Well hello there friend! 

There’s something you *probably* don’t know about me, and to be totally real with you, it’s a little on the vulnerable side...

But hey, I just watched Brene Brown's documentary and if anyone can inspire vulnerability and openness, it’s her!

So here goes... I have struggled with anxiety ever since I was a kid. I remember one of my earliest memories with my doctor was when he called me a 'worry wort'. This obviously wasn't a formal diagnosis (something I got later in life), but it did describe my experience. 

I would come come home from school every day and replay each moment analyzing it for where I might have hurt someone's feelings, or said something I should be embarrassed about and how I could improve the next day. 

My anxiety ebbed and flowed throughout my life - sometimes it was really loud, and other times I barely noticed it. But not too long ago I arrived at the day that changed everything. 

Flashback to early 2020. Covid had transformed from something that seemed like a distant threat to a world shutting down and panic spreading like wildfire. About a month before all this happened I had reached an all time low with my anxiety. I was constantly preoccupied with worry to the point where I was too overwhelmed to come into work. I had taken a leave hoping to work on myself and return stronger. 

BUT, a lot of the resources that had helped me in the past were unavailable - my hot yoga studio was closed, the gym was closed, I was even afraid to go outside unless I had to. The day where I was to return to work had finally caught up with me, and honestly I think I was worse off than when I left. I went to my parents house and curled up on their basement floor and began bawling - crying 'why me'. 

I had worked so hard to overcome my anxiety, and finally I had reached rock bottom. 

I sent an e-mail to my boss and said I needed more time. I signed up for an inpatient clinic that night, as my own methods and my sporadic counselling sessions weren't cutting it. I spent almost 100 days at the clinic, working everyday to improve myself. I worked daily with doctors, therapists and other patients in a group therapy setting. 

Although it certainly wasn't easy, I came back stronger than ever and a mission burned into my brain. I was going to spend the rest of my life helping others transform the way I did. Fast forward to today and I am working daily to fulfill that mission. To provide support in any way I can to help others radically transform their lives. 

 SO, let's dive in to the good stuff:

✨The 3 limiting beliefs that kept me stuck for years

1. "I'm Not Good Enough"

Ah, the classic "I'm not good enough" belief. I bet many of you have danced with this one before. I sure did. This belief whispered in my ear that I wasn't smart enough, talented enough, or just plain enough. It made me doubt my abilities and paralyzed me with fear. But you know what? I eventually realized that nobody starts out as an expert. It's okay to be a work in progress, and it's even better to embrace it. So, I gave that belief a firm nod and said, "I may not be perfect, but I'm perfectly me."'

2. "I Don't Deserve Success"

Oh boy, did this one rear its head. For years, I convinced myself that success was for other people, not me. It felt like an exclusive club that I didn't belong to. But let's face it – success isn't reserved for a select few. It's there for anyone who's willing to put in the effort and believe in themselves. I had to let go of the notion that I wasn't worthy of success. And you know what? Success tastes pretty sweet when you've earned it yourself.

3. "Change is Too Scary"

Change can be downright terrifying, can't it? That's why this limiting belief, "Change is too scary," kept me comfortably stuck in my comfort zone. It made me resist opportunities, avoid challenges, and miss out on so much growth. But here's the thing: change is where the magic happens. It's where we learn, evolve, and become better versions of ourselves. So, I decided to grab change by the hand and jump into the unknown with a big, goofy grin.

✨What to do if you're struggling to get 'unstuck' (it's not what you think)

I've learned a lot about limiting beliefs in my career as a counsellor and also in my personal life. One of my learnings is how quickly they can knock the wind out of you in your journey to a fulfilling life. So I wanted to write a little about how some therapists treat limiting beliefs and get you unstuck, and how I personally get unstuck in my own life. 

First off, there is the classic Cognitive Behavioral Therapy approach. It involves noticing how ridiculous our thoughts are and how they are often not aligned with reality. If I was working with a client with limiting beliefs using this method I would probably start with identifying cognitive distortions (or simply unhelpful thoughts), and working to challenge these unhelpful ways of thinking. We can think of this as training the mind to take back control when it puts us on a path to self-destruction. This is the most well researched therapy for treating things like anxiety and depression and it works really well! It'll take me awhile to explain all the ins and outs of the process, which is why I'm creating a mini-course series on working with anxiety and it's close companion - limiting beliefs (Stay tuned for that). 

Next up is a fun approach coming from Acceptance and Commitment therapy. There's a lot of ins and outs of this therapy too, but one of my favourite techniques is to play the thoughts of your limiting beliefs in the voice of your favorite cartoon character. As whacky as it sounds, I find this one is really effective! Let's say your head is telling you 'I'm not enough, I'm not smart enough, and I'm not capable enough'. Try playing that track in Spongebob's voice. Imagine him doing a goofy dance while saying it. Maybe imagine him singing those thoughts to the tune of happy birthday. There's no limits to this one so you can really go wild. 

Finally, I'll share what I do. I recently went to a retreat where we did a lot of meditative practices around our limiting beliefs. We did a really cool and powerful exercise of imagining what life would look like if we kept letting our limiting beliefs hold us back. We sat and sat and sat in the sadness of what we would lose and miss out on as a result of holding on to these limiting beliefs. It was a really powerful experience - I was in tears by the end of it. The next part of the process was to recognize that that doesn't have to be our story and we can choose a different path. We picked each limiting belief we had and chose a new empowering beliefs. As an example, I switched my 'I'm not enough' belief to 'I am powerful beyond measure, and have the power to radically impact others' lives in a positive way'. I actually wrote all my empowering beliefs on sticky notes and I look at them every day. The other piece to this is changing your physiology. I find the mind to be a tricky thing. It WANTS to stay stuck in it's old patterns. There's a certain comfort to them. So getting your body moving during this process can really help release those old patterns of thought. I get up and jump up and down, do a funny dance and I find it really helps me be more receptive to my new empowering beliefs. 

✨How to cultivate acceptance and self-compassion (especially when things aren't going your way)

Life has a way of throwing curveballs at us when we least expect it. You know the drill - that ‘perfect’ plan you had all mapped out? Yeah, that’s often when life comes your way and wreaks havoc on that well thought out plan. So, how do we navigate through the chaos with grace? Well, we’re going to explore the art of cultivating acceptance and self-compassion, especially when life get’s a little crazy.

Life's Unexpected Humor

First things first, let's admit it - life's sense of humor can be a bit, well, questionable. It loves to serve us surprises, sometimes downright absurd ones. Remember that job interview where you spilled coffee on your shirt and accidentally insulted the CEO's choice of tie? Yep, that's life's idea of a prank. But here's the secret: it's okay to laugh at these mishaps. In fact, it's encouraged! Acceptance begins with acknowledging that life's scriptwriter sometimes has a twisted sense of humor.

Acceptance: Giving Life the Go-Ahead

So, when life throws you that classic traffic jam on a day you're already running late, instead of cursing, take a deep breath and say, "Well played, Universe, well played." It's like giving life a thumbs-up for its unexpected plot twists. Remember, acceptance isn't about throwing in the towel; it's about realizing that life's quirks come with the package.

Self-Compassion: Your BFF on Life's Wild Ride

Now, let's talk about self-compassion. Think of it as your trusty sidekick in this wild journey. When life serves up an epic fail or an embarrassing moment, don't beat yourself up. Imagine you're the star of your sitcom, and the audience is rooting for you, even when you flub a line. Treat yourself with kindness, like you would your best buddy who had a rough day. After all, even the greatest comedians have their share of bloopers.

Recommended Resource

If I could recommend one book related to this post it would have to be Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff! It's a practical guide to self-compassion in which she shares a lot of the research on the topic in an easy to digest way. It's one of my favorite books in the personal development category. Highly recommend!

Okay, that's it for now. 

With love and kindness,

Elliott